“I’m Not Ready To Watch It”

Did you hear about the Dateline special yesterday about what happens to children with autism when they turn 21? Well, I have to admit that I recorded it to watch at a later time.  I can’t even think about the future sometimes without crying.  I fear what will happen when my son gets older.  What will his transition to “life” be like?  Will he ever drive a car? Will he ever go to college? Will he ever truly have a best friend? Will he ever have a girlfriend? Will he ever get married? Will he be able to take care of himself? Will he have to live with us forever?  Does his sister realize that she will eventually have to be her brother’s keeper? Will he have enough money to live on after we are gone?  I am crying as I write this because these are things that I honestly try not to think about. It is just too overwhelming.  I have to live my life One Day At A Time because I can’t bear thinking about the future.  So many people take these milestones for granted…Some day soon, when I am ready, I will watch the program…alone.  I know that at this time in his life, my husband is not interested in watching it…It is at these moments that I have to focus on God…That is the only reason why I am still sane…Time to pray. 

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15 thoughts on ““I’m Not Ready To Watch It”

  1. Yes it is very difficult to think in the future what will life be like for our kids. It is important we don’t stay discouraged but rather keep planning for their future. Even if it seems like baby steps! No one can predict what their abilities will be. That is true for ALL kids.

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  2. I hope that others are now more aware of the challenges that your family and so many others face every day. I wish there were more resources in place so that reports like that one would help make better endings for families with students with disabilities. I stay in prayer for all families because it’s all we have.

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  3. Nicky, thank you for your transparency. I cannot begin to imagine how difficult it must be to have those questions always on your mind and I appreciate getting such an honest glimpse into your world. Keep your focus on one day at a time and celebrate the little steps of progress he makes. His milestones may look different than others, but they are still milestones and you can still celebrate knowing that he is a step closer to the life you want him to have.

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  4. I understand by our pain and your turmoil. You said it best Time to prayer. I am a true believer in the power of pray and faith. It is hard sometimes to look beyond the behavior, but God specializes in making the impossible possible include all your hopes and dreams for MJ.

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  5. I am in tears reading this post. You are absolutely correct when you say that we take the things that “regular” children do and will do for granted. I think of you and your family all the time and I have to stop and say, “I won’t complain”! You are such an inspiration! I love how your posts are allowing me to look at my life and forcing me to check myself. I love you! 😘

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  6. It’s so refreshing to read your blog! How old is your son? My daughter, Arizona, is currently 8 years old – almost 9. I remember some of Arizona’s initial assessments (various therapists, regional centers and finally the school district) when she was 2.5 and 3 years old. They were so GLOOM & DOOM!!! What I’ve since learned, though, is that the only thing I want to compare Arizona to is… ARIZONA. So, if she’s working on writing or throwing a ball, I don’t look at her typical peers. Rather, I look at how she improved from 6 months ago, etc. Anyway, it helps me to keep my eyes on the prize (which is to raise a confident and happy daughter). At the end of the day, NONE of us knows what our futures will be like – special needs, neuro-typical, etc. Keep faith! Everything will be OKAY!

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    1. MJ is now 10 years old…I constantly have to look back and remind myself of how far he has come…He has progressed so much over the years… Thank you…I will definitely keep the faith 🙂

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  7. I cry every time I see a “special needs” or “autistic” adult out in the public. One day that will be my kid as an adult in society…What will happen, will he be safe, will he be vulnerable to the wicked people in this world.

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