Will They Ever Understand?

~ NickyB.

This sums up how I’ve felt since MJ was diagnosed.   I have missed many important functions with family and friends.  I’ve missed weddings, important milestone birthday parties, children’s parties, baby showers, girls night outings, family BBQ’s, family reunions, class reunions, concerts, church functions, and other important events.  I KNOW that we’ve been talked about, judged, and misunderstood by family and friends.  Please know that we have Wanted to attend all of those functions but simply could not.  Many times we have to separate as a family and one of us will go to a function while the other stays home.  MJ is high on the priority list and we have to do what is best for him and our family.  There are only a handful of people that MJ is comfortable with.  There are only a few homes that he is comfortable in, and are conducive to his needs.   We do things to Prevent MJ’s meltdowns. We are very proactive when it comes to that because it takes him a long time to recover.  Few people have actually SEEN his meltdowns.  He gets overwhelmed when there are too many people in an unfamiliar environment.   He needs his quiet place which is, for the most part, his room.   For holidays we know that the best place for us to be is home.  We welcome visits from family and friends.  MJ actually loves getting  visitors.  He says hi and hugs them and then after a few minutes, he goes back to his quiet place…Then he’ll come back around them for a few minutes, then repeat etc.  There’s an upcoming family function and in a way we are being pressured to go.  We have already said that we won’t be going, but still the pressure and “whispers” persist…They still don’t truly understand.   Here’s to hoping that true autism acceptance and understanding will persevere this holiday season and for the future.  

Pic courtesy of @stacyazbill 

19 thoughts on “Will They Ever Understand?”

  1. Wow, this is deep. MJ comes first, period. I’m sorry that there are still family members who still don’t understand, even though you’ve tried everything. I will keep praying.

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  5. Know this, that I love and appreciate your dedication to your family. Out of site is not out of mind. Thanks for my invite lol I will be there one day to visit. Love Girl xo

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  7. As the Sister of a brother with Autism I can understand how you feel. When Stephen was younger certain situations were over stimulating to him like shopping malls. Once he started acting out I would take him outside or to a quiet place. From what I remember growing up Stephen did enjoy being around his cousins. We all went to most family events but as I’ve gotten older I see things from my mother’s perspective.

    I know my mother Mable Palmer went through a lot of grief and sorrow because in the 1960s if you had a disabled child it was automatically assumed that as the mother you did something to make your child “that way.” Now our mother has been dead since 1998 however among some of my paternal family members they still had the audacity to accuse my long deceased mother with that stupid and baseless accusation. As a result I cut off all contact with them in 2012 and will never speak to them again. They put our Mom through hell and there is no forgiveness for that cruelty.

    Sadly Women who are mothers and/or sisters of developmentally disabled family members will often be ostracized by the ones who are supposed to Love and support us. We are considered outcasts and pariahs. I don’t like it but I don’t allow it to get to me. I have many friends in the LGBT community who Love and accept us whereas the Christian community does not. Go Figure.

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    1. Isn’t that a shame! I still find it unbelievable that some family members blamed your mom! That is just crazy. I’m not at the point where it doesn’t bother me…It does and I wish things were different but it is what it is…I will move forward as I always do. Much love to you.

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      1. Not too worry because the same female relative who made this accusation got three baby daddies and is a crack head. Unlike my parents who were married for 40 years and really Loved each other. As a former Pastor of mine use to say, Consider the source. Trash just needs to be thrown in the garbage and that’s what I did.

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    2. Even in 90’s reaching Y2K, the society still blames the mom for giving birth to a disabled child. All the blaming makes me committed suicide twice, but thank God I survived. Still a long journey to go, but trying and doing my best as a duty of a mom. Love you all here…always find peace and love reading the blog and all comments. 💜

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